


Redamancy

by NatMatryoshka



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (sort of), Canon Compliant, Evil Armitage Hux, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Virgin Ben Solo, Visions in dreams, Young Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-14 17:17:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13594707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatMatryoshka/pseuds/NatMatryoshka
Summary: "Redamancy[red-a-"man-sE](n). the act of loving the one who loves you; a love returned in full."Rey and Ben find each other in the Force for the first time since Crait. Have their feelings for one another changed since their last encounter?





	Redamancy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mweerden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mweerden/gifts).



> The lullaby Leia sings to Ben is "Mirrorbright", the one written by Claudia Grey in her beautiful "Bloodline".

_Mirrorbright shines the moon, as fires die to their embers._

_Those you loved are with you still —_

_The moon will help you remember._

[“Mirrorbright”, Old Alderaanian lullaby]

 

 

 

 

“Rey.”

Surrounded only by a comforting darkness, Ben let that name slipped out of his lips. He was alone in the crimson throne room where Snoke tortured him once, twice, so many times he couldn’t remember: even though he was gone, his presence somehow still lingered inside those walls… but he didn’t care anymore. With every feature of his face pinched in concentration, his mind created the frame of a young woman.

 _Rey._ _Where are you?_

The Force gave him back vague pictures, slices of landscapes and echoes of voices he never saw or heard before. _A young girl, black hair, bruises and blood on her face and yet a radiant expression, I don’t know her name; the boy who once was a Stormtrooper, I can recognize him; a man without a name, a pilot. A Rebel base, but where it is? Trees, water, a lake maybe? A faraway planet, how far from here?_ He half closed his eyes, rubbing his temples. He couldn’t see her face, and didn’t know why.

The stars peered from the long window, distant and cold. So different from the ones he looked at when he was a child, when he sat on his father’s shoulders to admire those shards of light during clear nights. _I want to visit Corellia one day with you, dad_ , he declared seriously. An happy smile bent his father’s lips.

“Why are you hiding from me, Rey?”

He struggled to control his voice, but it still sounded like the insecure child he felt he was. New faces showed themselves behind his eyelids, in the back of his mind: pilots, scouts, mechanics. _Rebel scum_. A grey mane of long hair, styled in a long braid, a beautiful smile he hadn’t seen in a while. Formal clothes worn by a woman who was both a princess and a politician, full of doubts and yet so strong, powerful. _General Organa!,_ a faint sound tickled his ears, a voice he couldn’t match a face with.

His mother.

Leia looked at him, brown eyes full of everything he wasn’t ready to hear, and all of a sudden his vision stopped.

He was alone, again.

Letting out a small, controlled breath, Ben sank into his new throne, wondering why the bond he shared with Rey didn’t seem to work as it did months before. Snoke lied, his death didn’t erase what he didn’t even create, but sometimes the Force seemed to play with them, like they were trying to communicate through an old device: it worked only at random moments, usually the most unexpected ones.

_I’ll have to wait, he guessed. Wait, and be patient._

When he lied in his bed, in the middle of a room where the stars and all the memories they brought couldn’t find him, an image travelled through his mind: Rey’s smile. She sat in front of him, hair loose on her shoulders, her eyes bright and full of joy… or, at least, what he hoped it was.

 _I’m not hiding from you_ , she murmured, and Ben Solo believed her.

 

*

 

 

All the days spent with other Resistance members taught something important to Rey: that she was capable of making new friends, after all.

Her life on Jakku was made of loneliness and survival. An entire day of scavenging alone, in the belly of big and ancient Star Destroyers, left her empty and almost totally incapable of thinking about how lonely she really was: she found solace in her ragged hammock, in tracing another scratch on the wall of the place she called home, waiting. Studying new languages to make better deals with foreign merchants. Wearing her pilot helmet, thinking about the stories she heard at Niima’s Outpost. She tried to picture her parents’ faces in her mind, so many times she had lost the count.

Life went on like that. It was hard to make “friends” on Jakku, and, on the other hand, dangerous. You could never say you really knew a merchant or a fellow scavenger so much you could really trust them. So she felt better on her own.

On Ahch-To, things hadn’t changed a bit.

Luke was her Master - a quite silent one, to be honest – and she had trained with him, but she also had plenty of time to explore the island by herself. Every corner of Ahch-To was beautiful and wild, untouched by human hands: stones covered in greenish moss, the stony village where the Caretakers had their home, steep cliffs, the perfect place to spot some somnolent Thala Sirens. After a few steps on the Saddle’s rough terrain, she hadn’t felt alone anymore: adventure called her. Something big was beginning.

The smell of salty water always filled her nose. When she woke up, when she lied on the small bed in her hut, at night. All around her, the sea hugged the island, covering the voice of her thoughts with its roar. _So much strength._

She closed her eyes, breathing in and out, feeling alive: if the Force permeated the atmosphere, as Luke said, running through every living creature like blood, she was starting to perceive it. She lived her days exploring, learning. Trying to persuade Luke to come back with her, to become again the hero the Resistance desperately needed.

Until the strange bond she shared with Ben started to show its effects.

Rey began to know Kylo Ren better, even to feel some kind of _sympathy_ for him. How could it have been possible? That him, the man who killed Han Solo, could be still human? She had been inside of his mind: it was a dark place, full of abandonment, of broken dreams and sadness enclosing every thought. But after their first contact, after she had touched his fingers and felt his breath on her face, as close and real as if he were there be, with her, on the island… something had changed.

For the best.

They had fought together, in that crimson throne room, so close every beat of his heart matched with hers, every move she made answered to the swift dance of his lightsaber. They were both strong in the Force, almost invincible together, and she felt like she was at home, next to him. She never felt that way before, not even on Jakku.

He was so different from the man she thought she knew: something kept telling her that he was feeling the same, and perhaps it was true. Even during the minutes spent in the elevator, when his full lips were at few inches from her face and his brown eyes pierced her when she called him “Ben”… there was still hope, for him. Light, and someone sleeping on the inside, a little creature forgotten in the most remote corner of his soul.

_Ben Solo._

The boy he was.

She had flown away with the Resistance because she knew he had to find his way by himself, falling again, then rising up, this time for good…

… yet, she missed him. She simply couldn’t admit to herself how much.

Her life with the Resistance was different from the one on Ahch-To: she was surrounded by people all the time. Smiling people, encouraging people, new people always ready to discuss plans, to bring new faith to a bunch of Rebels worn out by too many battles. Hopeful people, great pilots, Finn. His new friend Rose, an ebullient young mechanic whose smile could make everyone happier. Rey began to make new friends, to smile when people greeted her in the hallways. General Organa was always there for her when she needed advice or simply someone to talk to. But she terribly missed him, nonetheless.

After weeks of new discoveries, she finally found herself alone in one of the infirmary beds: too much time spent training left her back sore with bruises, and some bacta could definitely help. Rey closed her eyes, trying to focus on Ben’s brown ones, on his long, black lashes. The soft curls covering his head, the unique way moles dotted his cheeks. Soft lips she desperately wanted to kiss, the tears filling his eyes when she closed the Falcon’s door. His deep voice. You are not alone. His fingertips touching hers, so lightly their vision looked liked a strange dream became reality, and everything was so confused, so…

She squeezed her eyes once, twice. _Please._ Why didn’t the Force want to assist her?

_Ben. Where are you?_

They had fought together, like two souls trapped inside of the same body. She could feel him, feel his thoughts and fears, be as excited, as angry as he was. Yet, he was nowhere to be found.

_Ben?_

She focused again on his lips, like he was about to say something, right in front of her. Impatience flew through her mind.

 _Stay focused!_ a tiny voice inside her ordered. She clenched a fist under the white blanket: Ben’s face was so close and so far at the same time, as if they were communicating through a defective device. Maybe she was too tired, that training early in the morning had exhausted her mind and body. Or maybe staying focused was a nearly impossible task to achieve – Luke had told her many times she was terrible at meditating. She drew in a long breath and let it hiss out slowly, defeated.

_Ready to give up, scavenger?_

A wry smile: Ben’s lips curved slightly, lightening up the room. Rey opened her eyes, and it was like living their first connection again, when she had touched the rain and he was there, rubbing the drops with his fingers covered in leather, another smile, shyer that time. She leaned forward, placing a fingertip on his cheek. _He was there._

Finally.

_I never give up. Don’t you remember?_

A small part of herself wanted to shout in surprise, but her rational self knew someone would have run to check she was alright. She had to stay calm, and enjoy that moment. He was there, she was there, after days, weeks spent in solitude, wondering what could have happened to him…

Another smile. Ben slightly bent his head to the left, like he did when something really interested him.

 _Yeah, I remember. I remember that fight in the throne room, and the moment you left me. I was looking for you, Rey…_ \- his voice paused for a minute, as he was searching for the right words to use - _… but I couldn’t find you in the Force. I thought…_

She shivered a bit, because the thought had pierced her mind too, keeping her up at night. A thought impossible to chase away as it was nothing, because she couldn’t lose him, the only person who had really understood her totally, without a single word more…

 _… I thought our bond was broken. Impossible to restore_ , they murmured together, and despite the seriousness the sentence brought Rey’s smile widened for a moment. She spread the palm of her hand wide open, waiting for Ben to cover it with his. The Force purred between them, caressing her skin.

They were together, again.

She couldn’t just believe it: perhaps thinking about it over and over was the only way to realize it was happening for real. Ben studied their joined hands, then lowered his gaze to a random point. He was the first to break the silence, after a minute or two.

_I missed you, Rey._

_You… what?_ She laughed, a liberating, small laugh echoing in the darkness of the infirmary. Obviously, his ears burned hot and he had to repeat what he had just said, even if he wanted to bite her to wipe out that irritating smile and…

 _I missed you. That’s what I said. I missed you, and I miss you now._ He was so serious she could do nothing but look into his eyes and touch his face, her thumb on his bottom lip, caressing it lightly, as she was afraid to ruin that vision.

_I missed you too, Ben. And I miss you now._

She brushed his lips softly, while Ben’s hand rested on her wrist. _Where are you?_ asked Rey, more to add something to their conversation than to really know where his Star Destroyer was.

 _I can’t tell you_ \- a foreseeable answer. _But I’ll be with you, if you need me_. _We can always rule the galaxy together, as I offered you time ago._ The new smile on his lips seemed sincere, almost a bit naive. She shook her head. You know I can’t. It’s not the path I want to follow. Yet, you can still join me… It’s his time to shook his head.

_No, Rey… neither I can follow yours. I have to go down my own… but we still have the Force. I’m here for you, and you will be for me._

_It’s a promise?_ She tried so hard to smile, and failed.

_Yes. It’s a promise._

A shadow fell onto his brown eyes, making them look darker. He seemed melancholic, the same melancholy that had covered his thoughts since the very beginning. His lips were slightly trembling: Rey looked at them, and a wild desire to kiss them, to seal them with hers and hug him tightly grabbed her mind. She leaned forward again –

\- when a door hit the wall behind her. Ben’s face disappeared: she was alone. Rey fell down on her bed, closing her eyes, ready to pretend she was asleep when the person who had opened the door would have appeared beside her. She sensed someone near her bed, someone who wore a long robe and smelled of wild flowers, a woman whose golden ring left a gentle, fresh touch on her forehead. General Organa.

Her wrinkled, wise brown eyes were the last thing she saw, before falling asleep.

For real, this time.

 

 

*

 

 

_She walks in a room she doesn’t know: a huge space without furniture, only lightened up by a dim, pearl light. It’s not a ship, she notices, nor a hangar or something similar to the vast spaces where the Resistance storages its X-Wings. Three windows on her right show her stars whose names she doesn’t remember._

_Rey, Rey, come find me, whispers something behind her. Are you here? Will you follow my voice?_

_She keeps on walking through that space, step by step, carefully, until a room opens in front of her: a small bed, many paintings on the wall, a chest of drawers covered with models of ships. A room for a children. Rey smiles._

_A young boy draws her attention. Black curls frame his soft face, round cheeks follow his plump lips in a cheerful smile while a woman hugs his small figure and puts it under the blankets. Ben waits for his mother to sit beside him and, after a kiss on his head, she starts to sing with a calm voice._

_General Organa hums for his child a melody about the past, about beloved ones lost time before, about stars and moons and a man called Bail Organa, the man she always called “father”, even though her real father was still alive. Two tears fall down her eyes – Rey can feel them – yet her voice doesn’t tremble. She keeps on singing._

 

_“Mirrorbright, shines the moon, its glow as soft as an ember…_

_When the moon is mirrorbright, take this time to remember._

_Those you have loved but are gone_

_Those who kept you so safe and warm_

_The mirrorbright moon lets you see_

_Those who have ceased to be...”_

 

 

_Ben touches her shoulder. He stares in front of him, at the woman and the child asleep, with a shadow of sadness in his brown eyes._

_“I don’t want to forget, Rey. I don’t want to lose her, or you. I tried to become someone else, to be better than I was, stronger than the useless Ben Solo my uncle trained…”_

_He stops for a moment. The lullaby lingers in the air, every word caressing their skin like the gentlest of kisses. Ben breathes in._

_“Do you think she will love me again? After all I’ve become?”_

_Rey touches his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. General Organa turns her head to look at them, and tears sparkles in her eyes as she caresses his son’s hair again._

 

 

_“Mirrorbright shines the moon, as fires die to their embers_

_Those you loved are with you still—_

_The moon will help you remember.”_

 

 

 

*

 

 

_Did you see my mother? In your dream, I mean._

Ben was in front of her, again, but she sat on her bed. The other Resistance members were outside, the dorm empty, a perfect place to seek some loneliness.

_Yeah. She seemed happy, you were with her. She sang for you._

His lips bent slightly. Ben’s hand run through his hair, a gesture he had learned from his parents time before: maybe he repeats it to feel their love again, thinks Rey. It must have been hard to be him, surrounded by a family so important and well-known, with everyone expecting great things from you. So hard to tolerate for a child.

_You see her every day. Tell me, does she ever talk about me? The last time we were close, I nearly killed her._

_You would have never done it, Ben._ She tried to caress his cheek to reassure him, yet Ben seemed so close and so far at the same time. His skin stone cold, a grey rock like the ones she sat onto during her meditation moments with Luke. _You love her. She knows it._

A small laugh. _You’re so kind, Rey. And wise._ _You always try to see the best part of my heart, but what if you were wrong all along? What if I’m the monster they always think I am?_

She shook her head. It was like they had to stress over the same topic over and over, but Ben sometimes could be even more stubborn than her.

_You still got light in your heart. Trust me. Trust in yourself._

He grabbed her hand, slightly touching her fingers with his lips.

 

 

*

 

 

 

Some nights, his hands caressed her body in the most intimate of ways.

Rey held her breath: in the dark Ben was always a welcome presence. He sat beside her, lightly touched her hair until she fell asleep, murmuring words she gradually didn’t understand anymore. Ben needed that silent intimacy, she could feel it. He needed her fingers between his, the warmth of her breath on his skin, her somnolent voice in the exact moment she felt asleep. He needed to be reassured, to think about a better future. She wanted to help him.

Some nights, her hands became brave: she explored his bare chest with a fingertips, enjoying his sweet shivers. Ben let her touch him as she liked to, guiding her hand only with subtle movements of his torso, his lips sealed not to make moans escape.

He was alone, she knew it. Maybe he didn’t want to be heard by himself.

She never had that kind of experiences, and Ben was new to them too. They didn’t talk about it, but she could clearly perceive his gentle clumsiness when he touched her: he didn’t want to hurt her skin, her soul. He had no clue about how to give pleasure, but he desperately craved to make her feel something.

Some nights, Rey dared to place a kiss on his heart. He trembled under her lips’ soft touch, sank six desperate fingers through her hair and prayed her not to stop… and she kept going on. She kept on and on, kissing him, she devoured his lips, then his fingers and his neck while he murmured her name under muffled moans. He had began to undress her, she was waiting for it.

_Go on, Ben. I’m not afraid._

He held onto those words, enjoying the simple sound of them. A kiss on her lips, hesitant fingers on a nipple, while Rey lightly caressed his knee. They were almost naked. When a noise broke the silence around them – a call for Supreme Leader, a door opening, someone screaming something important about a mission – they flinched. Ben looked into her eyes: maybe they had to wait a little bit longer.

 

 

*

 

 

 

His body ached, Rey could feel it. Hers ached too.

A kick, then another, in the stomach, in the groin. Ben lied on the ground, his teeth clenched, while a man dressed in black hit him without mercy, as he could beat a miserable creature who had accidentally crossed his path. Hux stepped on one of his fingers, a triumphant smile twisting his face.

 _You’re less than nothing, ‘Supreme Leader’._ A venomous voice, full of hatred, cutting her ears like a blade. _Did you really think I’m stupid enough to be fooled by you? It was you who killed Supreme Leader Snoke, not the girl._ With a grin, Hux pressed his boot on Ben’s hand again, enjoying the muffled groan escaping from his lips.

_But you will both pay for that._

He touched his blaster, an evil smile on his face. Rey shut her eyes, fingertips pressed into her scalp: Ben was afraid, she could clearly feel it. Afraid to die there, alone, to die before proving who he really was to someone, to everyone. To die before seeing her smile again.

He shut his eyes too. Hux loomed over him, his grin wider than ever, every inch a concentration of pure, obscene joy. His right index was about to pull the trigger.

_No!_

She didn’t realize she was shouting until the walls around her echoed with her screams. Ben screamed too: a wild howl, the one of a wolf caught in a trap. She held her breath, pain invaded her lungs, then her stomach, then…

Blasters fired, explosions filled the rooms. The Resistance had come in time to rescue its prisoner. As General Hux threw confused glances at every direction, Ben tried to stand up again: he was alive. Hurt, but not defeated, not yet. He threw a glance to the red-haired man, finally savoring the chaos invading his mind.

_No, Ben. Leave him be. The Resistance will judge him…_

_As they will judge me?_ He sounded so damn sarcastic, and right. They would judge him, condemn his actions, they were both aware of it… yet, Ben was not afraid, she could read it on his face. He was waiting for something.

 _Like you, yes. But… your mother won’t leave you this time, Ben._ _Don’t kill another person, you’re not him. You can be better._

He grabbed his lightsaber firmly, a finger on the ignition switch. Hux stood before him, challenging him to do the next move. _Kill me,_ his eyes shouted out loud. _Sink your saber in my heart, sink it like you did to your father. Kill me, you coward._

Ben switched it on, the red blade purred as an hungry cat. He stepped forward, the General kept his eyes on the crimson flash of light.

_No no no no no…_

… until Ben turned it off and threw it on the floor, while a door slammed against the wall. Their eyes met, but only for a moment. He surrendered to the Resistance, Rey was with him. A slight presence, only a breath between stray strands of thoughts running through his tired mind, but she didn’t leave him.

They didn’t find out what happened to Hux, Rey didn’t care much: Ben’s eyes were the only vision her mind wanted to treasure. He seemed alive, like he never was before.

 

 

*

 

 

General Organa had always been concerned, almost grave: her eyes reflected her thoughts, and hers were rarely happy. Leia was professional, strong and focused as everyone expected for a general, yet Rey had never perceived happiness or relief in her words. She wanted to do something about it, help her to gain her serenity back, but what could a perfect stranger do for a woman who had lost so much in her past?

Until Ben came back, and a little smile started to bend her lips again.

Resistance members wanted to judge him, as they had expected: a trial with all the members present, not to torment him but to fairly punish him for his crimes… even though many Resistance members would have liked to get revenge on him, Rey was certain about it. She could read rage on their faces, pain, a hint of satisfaction seeing the once dreadful Supreme Leader dragged in handcuffs in front of them, head down, his arrogant smile disappeared. But general Organa loved him too much, they knew it. She would have never sentenced to death the only member of her family left, her son.

Rey was allowed to the trial only during certain days. She answered to what they asked her, but not what they wanted to hear: Ben had been gentle to her. They had fought together against Snoke, he could have killed Leia but he didn’t press that button, he would have never done it. He fought against himself, desperately wanting to change. She stood still at the center of the room, surrounded by eyes and closed mouths, a plethora of stares and clenched fists, divided between accusation and comprehension. His eyes never left her.

“He has to pay for what he did, but not with his life. He deserves to understand his past… and to change who he is.”

Screams and applauses filled the air. She left the room without a word, followed by the strange silence of words left unspoken, stories stuck in her throat. She couldn’t have told them all they shared, that strange and special connection that helped Ben to get rid of the Supreme Leader.

For the first time in years, Ben slept for the entire night.

 

 

*

 

 

 

“The First Order is still an enemy. They won’t surrender so easily.”

“They will.” She paused for a moment. “We’re reorganizing our troops, more and more people are joining our cause.”

He snorted. Rey was always so _annoyingly_ optimistic. He caressed her side softly, inches of tender skin adorned by freckles and traces of old scars, as beautiful as her. Ben liked when she lied idly beside him, in his arms: it was like forgetting the world, only if for a brief moment.

Their first nights together were a little awkward – they could finally touch one another in person, out of their strange, incredible bond. Yet, time after time, they had discovered how wonderful was to lie next to the other, to finally feel each other’s breath on the skin for real. Ben’s touch still shivered a bit, maybe it was always going to be so, but she had learn to love it. Hers too was still insecure and clumsy: they were new to that kind of little attentions. We’ve gone so far, she thought, while Ben’s fingers played with a sleeve of her brown, embroidered tunic. Two lonely souls, one wandering through desert winds and old ships in ruins, the other imprisoned in a life he didn’t seem to be able to fit in to.

“How can you always be so… so…” It was almost like he was fighting to find the right words to say. Rey’s eyes smiled, her mouth followed after a second. “So?”

“So Rey. So hopeful, so capable of seeing the good in everything… I envy you a bit, to be honest.” He ruffled the hair behind her ears, those soft, brown locks she always tried to unsuccessfully put in their place. “You have to teach me, someday.”

“Teach you? Oh, you’d totally have to change your attitude, or it would be impossible!”

“You really think I can’t? You should know I’m a very resourceful person.” He wore a fake serious expression, only to let it fall a second after to answer to Rey’s attacks to his neck and cheeks. She closed her eyes: her mind showed her Ben in prison, his eyes half-closed as he was meditating, then Hux, his foolish eyes, the grin that twisted his lips when he was hurting Ben. _They won’t surrender so easily._ Ben kept on laughing, trying to avoid her tiny bites.

 _There’s still hope for all of us_ , she thought again, this time calmly caressing his hand, finally free from the leather glove.

_We can get up, be as strong as we were._

_We can rise again._

 

Ben kissed her lips, gently.

**Author's Note:**

> Without the loving help and support of Ailisea, this story wouldn't exist. I wrote the first four pages in a rush, then inspiration left me and it was REALLY difficult to keep on writing... but, somehow, I managed to finish my first ten pages story completely in English. Every word you read was written without the help of my favourite method "first write in Italian-then translate in English": I'm proud of this little accomplishment, and I really hope you'd like this story.  
> The prompt I chose was "canon-compliant post-TLJ, Rey and Ben connecting for the first time since Crait." I loved to experiment a bit with some possible future developments, and it's also the first time I write something long canon compliant and not totally AU. I hope you'd like it too, dear mweerden! ❤
> 
> A huge thanks goes, as always, to the wonderful RFFA's staff. They're wonderful, sweet and patient people who deserve all the best, and it's always wonderful to join their events. ❤


End file.
